Coming to the table empty handed? by J.Santiago

photo cred:

photo cred:

Coming to the Table Empty Handed

You strut around in your little black dress. Your 22 inch jet black Malaysian hair wraps the small of your back. You bat your lashes while drink in hand while your MK bag matches your MK watch and your MK shoes. Your thickness sways to the sounds of some ratchetness that ricochets off the walls in this club you found yourself in. It is the hottest club in the city where you are certain any man with a particular “status” will be in attendance and you are destined to stumble into one of them.

You have been single for years and just cannot comprehend why it has been so difficult to find your “ideal” guy. I mean, is it really too much to ask for a man who is tall, has nice teeth, good hair, good skin, funny, church going, chiseled body, respectful, unwed, wealthy, employed, drives a luxury car, great sex, family oriented, owns a condo, wears designer only, looks great in a suit, has a hood side, travels, wants to marry, can take you to dinner, and keep up with the lavish lifestyle you hope for? You just do not understand why.
I am in awe as I listen to women who can recite a laundry list of ridiculous qualifications for their “future man”. But, what are you bringing to the table? Is your façade enough to bag that man of a distinguished caliber? I am boggled by the idea that women believe that by investing in these false “upgrades” of their real self will be enough to find a man with all of these outlandish standards, yet have nothing to offer in return, but their “modeling career”. Thing is, you will remain single in search of this dream guy! WHY?
1. Your perception of what love is, is based off of false realities. Status does not equate to love. NO man is perfect and while you are search for this perfect guy you will fall short every time. While you compare each man to your mental guy, no man will be able to meet these standards. That does not mean have no standards. It means rule out what VALUES are uncompromisable. You are not perfect so you cannot expect him to be.

2. A relationship is about team work. There are two parties. While you are expecting him to bring all of these values to the table, you haven’t given him reason besides looks and material things to want to join you. Have some business about yourself! Are you nice? Are you attentive? Do you maintain your appearance? What’s your credit score? While you build your personal assets, those like minded will take head to your efforts. You attract what you are.

3. You are looking in the wrong places. You know what…. STOP LOOKING. A man who is about business will easily seek someone of the same caliber. So while you are in the club no man who is about anything will find that scouting, “gold digging” mentality attractive.
One thing I do know is that a real woman will attract a real man. A real man will understand his worth and value. He will also notice and respect yours. If that is what you seek… start by being a woman of worth and value! Love will find you!


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Hailing from McDonough, Ga, Jasmyn Santiago, is a thriving young professional who currently lives, works, plays in the home of “SouthernPlayalistiCadillacMusik”, where we are known for our southern drawl and HOTlanta is actually the best way to describe our summers!

The Georgia State University alum,  is one who believes it through words that she will take the world by storm. Imprisoning all of her readers and captivating them by means of intriguing pieces of writing. No specific topic, just pure randomness.


One thought on “Coming to the table empty handed? by J.Santiago

  1. Funny I don’t know any women like the ones you describe here, but I still know single women – working professionals like myself. I agree that a lot of women can focus on superficial upgrades – even before taking care of health and wellness, but is the average black woman this type of warped gold digger? Or just a small pocket of the population?

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