is a Woman
The idea of what ‘real love is’ is constructed by our past run-ins with “love-like” experiences. I use “love-like” because I believe that we often mistake those experiences with real love. These experiences are vital in life, but can also be detrimental in future potential relationships.
Carrying baggage from a past encounter is the easiest way to ruin your present/future relationship. It may be the very thing that prevents you from finding that “real love”. You are carrying a heavy load packed with the memories that you cannot seem to let go of. He cheated, he lied, he abused, etc. To avoid experiencing that again we often build a wall.
Like many women, I went through my man eater phase. I was a woman scorned. My pride would not allow another man to do what the other had done. I refused to be naïve to play fool to any other dog’s game. Why should I give him anything when all he’s going to do is cheat? Yeah, you can be nice and treat me to dates, but that doesn’t make you any different than the next. Right? That’s what every man does, right? At the end of the day, a man will be a man. They have needs. I was mean. The funny part was I never knew this until now. I walked around so proud that I was Miss Independent and I would never allow a man to catch me slipping ever again. I ran so many away and anytime something remotely reminded me of the hurt I packed my baggage and hit the road running!
Something we all fail to understand is that real love is work. It is easy to point fingers and find flaws in everyone else around us but who holds the mirror up to us to show us who we are. That scorned woman is not pretty. I had to learn that in order for real love to find me that I had to let it go and get over myself. Pride, fear, and scornfulness are the true identity for Miss Independent.
Mother would always say, “You can catch more flies with honey.” It is true! Truth is you are what you attract. Being ugly will only bring more ugly to the party.
For me, I have learned that love is a taught thing. You have to understand that in order to get the love you deserve you have to open up and allow someone to love you. You have to know your role and allow them to be in their role. Everyone is different. You cannot place him on trial for the actions of the previous man. It simply is not fair. Holding onto that hurt is childish. Growing up and maturity taught me love. A MAN will be a MAN! A MAN will not be perfect because no one is. He will love you regardless of your flaws. He will take those broken pieces to build you up and make you better. But first you have to let go and allow him. Letting go is hard. You are afraid that what ever hurt may happen again. Love is like a game of Russian Roulette. It’s a risk and if you really want a chance at finding true love you have to simply take that risk. After all, it may just be worth it.
Photo credit: http://www.theangriestblackmaninamerica.wordpress.com
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Hailing from McDonough, Ga, Jasmyn Santiago, is a thriving young professional who currently lives, works, plays in the home of “SouthernPlayalistiCadillacMusik”, where we are known for our southern drawl and HOTlanta is actually the best way to describe our summers!
The Georgia State University alum, is one who believes it through words that she will take the world by storm. Imprisoning all of her readers and captivating them by means of intriguing pieces of writing. No specific topic, just pure randomness.