I received a text message from James even though we weren’t supposed to talk and it was only day two. It read:
Me and Toine just got into it. I told him I knew he was fucking my wife…
I knew I shouldn’t respond, but I had too.
The house was dead silent after Toine and I got into the argument. Niecy tended the things she thought I needed taken care of while I drank myself and watched television. The argument between one of my best friends and I was slapping me in my face. I should’ve planned accordingly and kept up with my clueless husband/best friend act but him being in my face just made me want to break his face. It was another day, another scandal, and I needed another woman. Tia responded to my text messages, but I didn’t want to see her either. Not because she wasn’t gorgeous or supportive, but because I had already introduced her to a heap of bullshit and I didn’t want to drag her into anymore of my nonsense. She was right; I was a full grown man and I was a full married man. Her issues were not supposed to be my issues; I was supposed to protect and that was one thing I thought about while she took a hiatus from me. My head was all over the place but I knew what I wanted.
“Do you want to talk about this?” Niecy stood in front of the television speaking to me. I heard every word that came out of her mouth, but ignored her.
“I know you’re pissed baby. I just want to talk about everything.” She continued.
“I’m not going to divorce you and leave you high and dry. Just let me sit here and relax.” I responded looking directly in her eyes.
“I know you’re upset with me.” Her voice broke up.
“Upset? Why? I told you I knew you had someone else you were fucking. I knew you were spending my money on some other dude and I’ve known for a while that it was with Toine. I knew Denise and I stayed with you.” I stated nonchalantly before sipping the whiskey on the rocks.
“Why haven’t you ever reacted or stepped out on me?” She questioned.
“Unlike you Niecy, I decided that I didn’t want to be a fuckin’ snake. I said vows, but that shit doesn’t mean anything to you or to Toine. It’s hilarious that you really want to talk about this right now while I’m drinking and trying to relax. Every fucking this is on YOUR time huh?” I was started getting more upset as she stood in front of me with tears in her eyes.
“I know you hate me right now.” She actually was attempting to make me feel guilty because she cheated. I started laughing and the more she stared at me I laughed harder and harder.
“Why are you laughing?” she questioned.
“You’re so manipulative. You are really trying to make me feel sorry for your cheating. You never cease to amaze me.”
“I’m not trying to do that I promise.” She lied in my face. I could tell her nose always wrinkled as she tried to keep up her lies.
“I know when you’re lying. Can we just resume giving a fuck about each other another day?” I spit toward her. She wiped her tear that cascade down her cheek and for the first time in a long time I could tell that hurt her feelings, but I didn’t stop her. I was hurting. I had been hurting that I built a lie with a woman that I never thought would cross me. How the fuck did she think I felt? Did she even care until Toine opened her mouth to tell her? I could seriously damage her, but I didn’t. We were living in quiet times in our home and we were sleeping in separate rooms partly due to my sour attitude and drunken nature. Denise couldn’t handle the silence, packed her bag, and headed to her sister’s house in Dawsonville, Georgia. She advised me that she would be staying there for a week to give me a break an that she don’t want a divorce. Of course she didn’t, she wanted more of my fucking money I grunted to myself.
“I miss you. I need to see you,” I demanded in a normal tone. I had been drinking but wasn’t completely drunk.
“Where?” She responded without hesitation.
“Our usual spot.”
“Okay.” I showered for the day, threw on some basketball shorts, a shirt, and some sneakers. It was a normal ass day and I wanted to be a normal ass dude. I jumped in my car and headed for my release, my energy, my pick me up. I had made reservations for the W before I contacted her. If I knew Tia like I thought I did, she would allow me to suffer in pain no matter how pissed she was or busy. Working at the company allowed her more free time to do work for school seeing she didn’t have to figure out and budget her time. All she had to do was let me know when she was working too frequently. I waited in the room for her like an eager child for a toy on Christmas; she had become a drug to me. This young ass woman was exceptionally gorgeous, fit, intelligent, and a hard ass. We were merely a collision waiting to happen and I wanted to crash into her like a crash test dummy.
I wore the trench coat with the red bottoms he purchased me. My hair was down and I wore the MAC lipstick he bought as well. When I opened the door of the hotel room and saw his face shivers ran up my spine. I didn’t say anything; I didn’t need too. We both were missing each other and we were both hurt that Denise ha been hurting him. Of course, the feelings were no where the same for me but I could empathize with him. The doubt I once held about him and her was confirm confirmed as I saw the pain in his face. The door shut behind me and I slowly opened the jacket. There was nothing on my body. The red bottoms stood out and I walked over to him. Without saying anything, I sat on his lap and before he did anything sexual he lay his head on my chest. We didn’t speak; we listened to what pain was being exchange and then he kissed me. It was over! Our kiss deepened and I pulled her shirt over his head and he roughly grabbed my titty forcing a nipple into his mouth. I could feel him hardening and I raised my hips for him to pull down the basketball shorts. He exposed himself to me and without waiting for anything I sat on it. My box was soaking wet like she had been drooling for it, like she needed to be beat by him, like it was the last nut she would have. He roughly gripped my hips and smacked my ass. He snatched my hair and I roughly cascaded down the shaft relentless to have missed him so much. Like seeing him at work and text messaging him wasn’t enough and watching him watch me didn’t make me crazy; it did. Fucking Ron was great always but falling for another person was rough. I had to have him for me. I remained silent in my resolve that I needed this sexual release just as bad as he did. I had been so angry about Niecy that I had forgotten that I ran this show. That though, he brought me into his world that I could dominate it! We sexed until my insides ached, until we could do nothing but cuddle.
“I missed you,” he kissed my forehead. I didn’t respond even though I missed him back.
“What is your next move?” I asked as we embraced.
“Gather myself and make my money.” The perfect answer after a perfect release. We both got up, showered, and headed our separate ways.
“I’ve been calling you and text messaging you all afternoon.” Ron stated when I finally answered his call.
“I needed some space. What is it you need?” I asked attempting to avoid an argument.
“I mean I didn’t want shit, but after I didn’t get a reply or a response from you a nigga started worrying about you.”
“My bad. I’m just going through some stuff and there’s nothing anyone can say to ease my feelings right now.”
“Well, I’m trying to be here for you. I keep asking you do you want to be with me and you steady acting like you have other shit more important than someone in your corner to support you in all the ways you need.” This argument was beginning to annoy me. I didn’t want a boyfriend. Yes, I liked Ron, but I didn’t want to cheat and manipulate Ron in a relationship. I would rather get myself together, give him my time and no one else outside of James, and then when I got out of the current situation maybe, but I didn’t want to continue to keep talk about it.
“Why every time you feel the need you have to bring it up? I don’t want to get into a commitment and fuck it up. You knew what I wanted when we begin this thing.”
“I thought you would change your mind.” He responded honestly.
“Why? Because I’m a chick and we be in our feelings? I’m sorry I don’t operate off of that.”
“I thought you would see that I was good for you.”
“I didn’t say you weren’t good for me but I did tell you from the beginning that I didn’t want to be with anyone.”
“Yeah, but then we started spending the nights, spending time together, and we started feeling each other.”
“Just because we do those things and I say I don’t want to be with anyone doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you ever. I wish that it was more acceptable for a woman to have a choice because if it were the other way around you would have been fine with not having a title if you weren’t ready.”
“Don’t pull that shit on me man.”
“Why are we even having this conversation over the phone? If you wanted to talk to me about this why didn’t you just ask to speak with me tonight at one of our places? I hate having serious conversations over the phone.” I huffed.
“I didn’t think we’d be getting into it today.” He replied defeated.
“I don’t know why Ron. You bring it up every chance you get.”
“How about this? You stay at your place and I will stay the fuck at mine. I’m over this bullshit you got going on.” He hung up in my face. Now instead of one dysfunctional ass relationship, James and I, had two and each of them didn’t have anything to do with us as a union. Two dysfunctional ass relationships; one hellified evening of sexual release.
A week passed away from my wife and more time was spent in the office, into designing, and away from Tia as well. We had discovered the key to what would make us work,—to completely ignore the fact that we were what we were and to live a secret lifestyle. It was because of Tia that my days were secretly fulfilled. Her and Ron were at odds just like Niecy and I; both of them were trying to get our attentions and we were both saying fuck it. Tia maintained a 3.8 gpa making a decent salary on top of the allowance I supplied her. I continued designing for the mayor as I had been for the Phipps Plaza addition. We were both at a standstill with our relationships but rolling with our own.
“Will you fucking talk to me Jay?” Niecy stormed into my office as Tia dropped off paperwork. “I’m so sorry Tia. I didn’t know you were in here.” Niecy apologized at once.
“No, it’s okay. I am leaving now.” Niecy grabbed Tia’s arm softly.
“Please keep this between us. I know how those little young girls gossip, but I can tell that you’re different.” Tia looked into her eyes and then down at her hands on her wrist. I could tell she wanted to tell her to unhand her but she didn’t do anything but agree.
“I didn’t hear or see anything.” Tia walked out with a strut that I knew so well. When Tia was pissed off she became aggressively sexy. Her hips swayed and her ass giggled. I watched that girl strut out of the office and Niecy noticed as well.
“What do you want to talk about?” I asked her to keep her mind off of Tia’s defying walk.
“Us. Are we getting a divorce or are we going to work it out?” she sounded sincere again.
“I’m living my life and if you wish to reap the benefits of that you can as well.” I stated plainly. I crossed my fingers across the papers on my desk and Niecy stood there standing.
“I never meant to hurt you Jay.” She walked over and sat in the seat across from mine.
“That’s why you fucked my best friend for years huh? Of course not.” I replied with a grin. Apart of me wanted to hurt her just as bad as I had been hurt.
“I was wrong, I’m not going to lie. I just,–“ I cut her off.
“What? You just needed some attention because I was working long hours or because I was designing the home you live in currently? Or because you didn’t want to give me a child or because you couldn’t give me one? Or was it because you knew you had being fucking my best friend before you walked down the aisle with me? What the fuck was it Niecy? I’m so ready to hear what my wifey has to say.”
“Yes, you built my house. You gave me more love, attention, and affection then any man before, but Toine and I had history. We didn’t tell you because I fell for you and I told him not too.”
“So you knew him before I did?” I questioned her.
“Yes. He was my first love.” She replied. It hit me in my face again.
“Yo, I met this chick name Denise. She’s smart, gorgeous, and I took her out.” James announced to all his roommates.
“Nigga you fell in love already?” Toined cracked a joke.
“Nah, but I am going to keep her around as far as I can tell. She’s different and I like that.” James spoke.
“How the fuck long you been sneaking around with this chick?” Dion chimed in.
“About a month.”
“You damn near got a girlfriend.” Toine and Dionne cracked up.
“I think she’s worth the time though. She isn’t full of it like the rest of these chicks. I been fucking everyone but since I met her I’ve been stuck on her ass.” James announced. There was a knock on the dorm room door. Toine opened the door and there stood Denise; the two didn’t have a chance to say anything as James introduced her.
“Hey baby. These are my boys, Dion and Antoine, it’s been six long years together and now they get to meet you.” Denise walked in and Toine didn’t speak much he just kept staring at her. She hugged James and they all sat in the living room. The entire night James tended to the needs of Niecy and Toine and her barely interacted. Niecy finally left and James addressed Toine about his silence.
“Toine, you been looking like you saw a ghost or something.”
“Nah, dawg. She is a cutie though. I have some shit I got to do for class. I’ll be back.” Antoine grabbed his book bag and headed out the door.
The memory of Niecy and Toine being introduced further infuriated me. I had been played from the beginning and I couldn’t say anything but,
“Get the fuck out of my face!” I clinched my jaw together before watching Niecy walk out of the office.
Niecy left his office in tears. I watched from a far as she hurriedly left the building. I was packing up my things to head out for the day myself and that’s when I knew that something more had been uncovered. I couldn’t just go to James as I wanted to but instead I called his phone not realizing what I would receive.
“Baby, leave the office and come with me.” I spoke into the phone.
“Where are we going?” James questioned.
“Atlantic Station parking deck.” It wasn’t too far from where we were currently and I knew we could find a private place to talk.
“I’ll meet you there.” His voice was shaky. He sounded damaged and I knew that I was who he wanted.
I opened the car door to a saddened man. I had never seen a man of stature like James in this way and I didn’t want to run. I didn’t know what we were becoming but sugar baby and sugar daddy was far off.
“She knew Toine before me. He was her first love and when she said that to me I had an instant flashback of how I introduced her and Toine left quickly after that. They have been fucking together since before she even married me.” I didn’t speak. I couldn’t. What do you say to a man who hasn’t had loyalty from the woman he’s been in love with since his last year in college?
“They could’ve both been honest. I would have dropped her and lived my fucking life. My nigga, these muthafuckas been spending my hard earned cash behind my back, they are damn near living a secret life in my damn face. I built this bitch a house, a WHOLE fucking house.” I let him get it out. He stared down at his hands as if he were the carpenter as well as the designer. I suddenly got choked up at hearing his confession. I wanted someone to build me a house; hell, I never knew what I wanted until I met James.
“I wanted her to give me children but she wouldn’t. I am thirty-five years old and I have everything I have ever wanted besides a family. Like how many niggas do you know that wants all of that? I’m not with that petty shit. I just— I don’t know what to say.” So we didn’t say anything. I thought he was much older because he seemed much more in control but he was still young and he was still hurt. We ended up in the back seat of the car, silent and we held each other.
All I ever wanted was a career, a child, my wife, and happiness; Niecy had destroyed me. I didn’t look to Tia to fix me, but damn her touch felt right.