“Baby, what’s the next move?” Toine asked as we stood cooking dinner together.
“I want to give him his divorce.” I responded.
“It’s about time. We just have to make sure he doesn’t know that we’re married too.”
“Girl, have you heard the latest gossip?” I sat sipping my coffee unaware of what the “news” was.
“What news?” I continued working at James’s firm and I loved everything I did there. Without my monthly allowance, I was more than making enough to make the rent. For the first time in my adult life, I was very confident in my skills and what I had to offer the company.
“Chile, Denise has given Mr. Davenport divorce papers. Word is she’s going to take half of everything that fine man owns. Ugh, as fine as he is I’d help him forget about her,” Sarah gossiped and I remained sipping my coffee. “I mean I wonder if he’s a cheater and he got caught. There is some juice here honey.” She continued.
“This is a mess,” I mumbled.
“I love it. She has been in and out of the office, but the two have acted as if nothing has happened.” I listened and I spoke back when she waited for my messy answer, but I had nothing to say to anyone but James. It had been weeks since we had spoken to each other and I yearned for his touch, his love, and his affection. I felt bad that she was the one to file the divorce, but I also wanted to know the story. I wouldn’t rightly come out and ask, but I had to look at his face to make sure he was doing well. When the mail went out I purposely took out a proposal that he needed to approve to approach his office. I stood in the mirror of the bathroom checking my makeup to make sure that I looked presentable; it had been too long since I caught a glimpse of him stealing glimpses of me. I was perfect. I headed back to my desk, pulled the proposal off my desk,and approached his office. I knocked lightly only to have Denise open the door with a grimace on her face.
“Tia, didn’t you see the door closed? That means that you walk back to your desk and you sit down.” Denise snapped.
“I understand,” I begin.
“You don’t have to be rude about it. There have been plenty of days in which Mr. Davenport advised the floor that if we have a proposal that we can knock on his office door.” I snapped back. This woman was way out of her league with her smart comments and attitude. I wasn’t the one to play with. Before she could say anything James calmed it down and Denise stormed out of the office and I entered. James closed the door behind me.
“I’m sorry.” I apologized in a low voice.
“I’m sorry she’s such a bitch.” He took the proposal out of my hand and sat in his chair at his desk.
“I’ll go back to my desk now.” I felt like a child again; afraid that my crush would know I had concocted a reason to see his face.
“You haven’t delivered my proposals in weeks, people are whispering about my divorce, and you have been avoiding me like the plague. What do I owe this joyous occasion baby girl?” His voice made my panties soaking wet. The way his voice surrounding my body set me ablaze, the way he sat reminded me of Denzel Washington, and I honestly just wanted to stand there and stare at the man that I loved.
“I wanted to look in your face and see if you were okay.”
“You wanted to see if I was getting divorced and to see how I was taking it.” He responded in a tone I didn’t like.
“I’ll let myself out.” I started to turn away from him. I could feel him staring at my ass, I wanted him to stop me, to love me, but I had called for quits and that couldn’t be undone for now. I had to stick with my morals.
“She served me with divorce papers, we are currently working to have everything equal, no scandal and no extra bull. I am taking it hard without you. I think we both had time to think and I’m clear in what I want now. I haven’t let her in on what I want but no one needs to know but me.” He responded. I turned to face him.
“We are friends before anything, if you ever needed to talk you could contact me. I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked. I’m sorry, I didn’t think this would happen this fast.” As we exchanged words, it was as if nothing else matters. I knew soon enough I would have to leave his office and we would have to come up with an excuse for why I stayed in the office with him so long but I longed to touch him.
“I have always been a man that thought my wife was the one meant for me. I have always thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever dated. I loved that woman through every bullshit thing she has ever done and I won’t lie and say I don’t love her still.” I felt uncomfortable as he spoke of Denise.
“I know this is tough.” I didn’t know what to say.
“Let me finish baby. I have always thought all of those things until I met you. I use to see men thirty-five to forty with younger chicks and assumed that these chicks were after money and these men were after pussy until I met you. I could think of every time we’ve made love, chilled, talked politics, religion, and life after,” His face didn’t change; he was serious and sincere. “We’ve had discussions that me and my wife use to have and it’s refreshing to have someone who pays me some attention. Over these weeks of separation, I’ve had a chance to really explore my broken marriage, but also my thriving feelings for you Tia.” I gulped.
“I don’t think we should continue. I’ve been in here too long people will talk.”
“Fuck these people Tia. Let me talk, it’s been weeks since we’ve had a conversation.”
“I’ll sit down. Is Denise gone for the day?” I questioned.
“She’ll be back this afternoon when you’re off to class. She is pissed at me and pissed at you for checking her. Anyways, I thought that this was just a business/sex friendly relationship; not calling you messy, but this isn’t just business no matter what we both say.” James stood from his seat and sat at the edge of the desk in front of me.
“We both have a very clear indication of what we feel and how we choose to deal with those feelings.” He smelled delicious and I loved him; I truly loved him. I wasn’t supposed too. Business, business, business droned in my ears but not my heart.
“What are you saying?” I asked.
“When my divorce is finalized I will do everything in my power to make sure that you are mine. Every need will be met and every freaky nasty thing I’ve been deprived of will come to fruition. “
“Prove it.” I stood to leave and I tried to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to face him. His hand inched up my skirt and his hand lightly gripped my ass, he moved my thong to the side and his fingers penetrated layer after layer of pint up aggression. I didn’t fight it and I didn’t try too until there was a knock at the door. We stopped and thought up a quick excuse before I stormed out of the office and he was back in his seat. Sarah was the first person to ask me why I was “upset” and I concocted a story about Denise getting smart, how I responded, and how James tore me a new one. After it all calmed down, I dreamed of that man and his words. I creamed to his touch and then I had to get out of there. I sent him an email and I left before Denise could come back to haunt me.
“Mom, I need to talk to you.” I called her as I drove to campus.
“What’s going on?”
“I saw James today.”
“You see him everyday baby he’s your boss.” My mother said.
“No, face to face and I don’t know what to do.”
“What was said?” She probed.
“She served him divorced papers and basically when it’s finalized he’s coming to make me his.” I spit out.
“Isn’t that what you want?”
“I don’t know.” I lied.
“Girl goodbye. You want him and you will have him when it’s time.” My mother straight hung up on me to get back to work. I thought of her last statement and chucked it to campus. I occupied a booth at the student center and finished up the plans for the Midtown Venue party. I emailed the completed plans to James and CC’d it to Denise.
My life had turned upside down just speaking with James, but I needed to hear the words that came out of his mouth. I had to hear and see the passion without the extra-ness. He wasn’t trying to just jump in because he was upset or sad with Denise; these past weeks proved to be a blessing for the both of us. We were growing into something we had no control over; I loved him and I thought about telling him, but I didn’t want a power shift to occur and I get left in the dust. It was not about the power if he took the leap to love me; then it was about the love. Against every bone, thought, and moral, I had I invited him to my place. He agreed and I got my life together.
Tia invited me over to her place and since Denise had moved out to be with Toine I was free to roam. I knocked on the door and she opened naturally beautiful; there was no makeup, no fancy clothing, just her in sweats and a tank. I walked in and we embraced before we sat face to face.
“I have been fighting this and I don’t like to go against my morals, but I have one thing to tell you.”
“I love you.” She meant it; I could see it in her eyes and I would love her. No other choice.
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